Can I Imagine?

The question is simply related to the imagination of a life lived in Victory. A life lived through the promise that Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament law and to remove the condemnation of a sinfull life.

Kirk Franklin's song delivers hard hitting facts of what we think but are afraid to say. But if you trust in the God of Jacob, King David and the power of Jesus' Love...you need to IMAGINE yourself as God sees you...living in Victory.

Album: Hero Year: 2005 Title: Imagine Me lyrics

Imagine me, loving what I see
when the Mirror looks at me 'cause
I imagine me

In a place of no insecurities

And I'm finally happy cause I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
'Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me

Remembering all you told me Lord
can You imagine me
Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

Chorus:
Imagine me, being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can…imagine me

I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can…imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around

Can you imagine me
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Lord, can You imagine me

Bridge:
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Vamp:
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(this song is dedicated to people like me, those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance, and even self-esteem, you never felt good enough, or pretty enough, imagine God whispering in your ear, letting you know that every thing that has happened is now... , every sin, mistake, failure, depression, gone by Faith, low self-esteem, Halelujah, all my scars, all my pain, in my past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, gone, what your mother did, what your father did, it's gone....)

VIDEO: *Warning - A deeply REAL video of problems people are facing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL6vw5xI0Bg

The Florida Aquarium

FUNNY Fish!




Watching the eels....





Everyone got in the shells and played around...



The little kids loved the up close alligator experience!

Holding Patterns

Have you ever flown and knew that you had plenty of time during a layover in another airport to get on a connecting flight to another city? Yet, you begin your journey and leave the gateway or terminal to find that a heavy rain begins while on the runway. Your plane turns and comes to a halt...you will be waiting for the storm to pass and no flights can clear for take off. Well, no problem right? You have a two hour layover! Until you find yourself still on this first plane on the runway four hours later. Now, you know that connecting to your other flight is impossible and by the time you get to the aiport you will not have any flights leaving out that night. You may be a 'glass half full' person and not mind this sense you know eventually you will get to your destination. But what if this delay means missing the meeting at your final destination and thus making this entire journey a wasted two days? Wouldn't it be nice to just bail out of the flight right here in your home town and just go home? But you can not get off the plane once it is boarded!

That, my friends is a holding pattern on the runway!

During this last season of my life I have been in a type of holding pattern waiting for the Lord of all things to open some gates, doors or windows to allow my family to move forward. Although no doors have exactly opened yet my husband and I wait...!
I know that even in this valley or platue of sorts in life, I feel like I am reaching an end to the wait. The problem is that I have NO idea what God has in store on the mountain top. In reality I don't think any of us really do, but some times we find comfort in thinking we know what to expect.

I seriously I have NO earthly idea what will happen in the next month or year or beyond. I anticipate with "heartburn" and a scary sense that He loves me and has the final say over my life. Why is that scary? Because I don't know what I need the most to Glory God the most, to the most people....???? This doesn't always feel good or look good!

I hope that without causing you anxiety, I can assure you that the ONE thing I know is that WHILE I WAIT...He is faithful to give me strength...All the strength I need to get through whatever is next. The God I count on is always true, always faithful and always there.

Wait, what's that?

Ever have more fun messing with someone else's toys than your own?



He was excited about playing on his "inside" Tonka truck in the yard... Until he saw Madisen get out her Big Wheel.

The rest is easily explained in the pictures!!

I can get like this sometimes too! I will be enjoying a freshly cleaned or washed van and just loving life. Then out of now where a "just rolled out of the factory" new upgraded van with all the bells and whistles will drive by.

Lord, help me be at peace with the wonderful gifts you have given me, that fit my needs and work just fine! Amen.

Miss America Water Cooler

Ok, by now everyone has heard or talked about the Carrie Prejan topic around the water cooler. If you have no idea what I am talking about...well, your head was in the sand but I understand! She was in the lead and winning the Miss America pageant until Perez Hilton (not the name his mother gave him) celebrity judge asked a controversial guestion.

Here's my soap box! I FIND IT TO BE THE PERFECT SCENE to show AMERICA what this nation HAS REALLY BECOME.
Not, a about a controversal topic!!!
Not even about same-sex marriage rights!!!

THIS IS SIMPLY ABOUT THE REALITY OF HOW SOME "RIGHTS" HAVE NOW OVERTURNED OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Someones rights to behave a certain way have literally overturned the right to disagree with them...which USED to be called FREE SPEECH, a RIGHT which ALL AMERICANS at one time had!

*Warning* I have felt this strongly about this Freedom of Speech since I was "asked" to cease meeting with a Bible Study group (before school) while an Athiest group was allow to form a school sanctioned CLUB on campus!** The school eventually saw the law for what it is, in allowing a Faith-Based "Athiest" group, they were forced to allow a Youth for Christ group as well. Only by fierce determination of some willing teens.**

Don't believe me? It true! Look up the courts rulings regarding new "hate speech" language or try to do some real research on what new "hate laws" have been developed IN THE DARK over the last 5 year. Heck, go back further and you'll find even that the last decade has a flurry of activity of new laws seemingly to "protect" us from public forums of hate gatherings. The problem with the wording on some of these laws is that it only describes the "hate" talks by it being seen as offensive by any group or set of people.

The logic may be there, but the intent of current lobbiest is to group Pastors, people like Carrie Prejan and normal Americans who have a public forum, who speak out! Unfotunately, the laws are so generic that it HAS ALREADY BEEN APPLIED to Pastors who READ ROMANS 1 in their churches!!! (Rights of the church and believers are under attack in THE NEW AMERICA!)

I pray you look into it yourself. I pray that this nations people turn from their laziness and become involved in the local governments activities and as the largest election approaches soon to make a difference that people will REALLY GET INFORMED about the hidden agendas of the politicans running for re-election (find out which group gives them money and you'll find out the agendas they will "sneak" into bills)!

At Home Work

It's interesting that so many people, like myself, make a small (or in some cases) or large amount of money "working from home". For myself, that means a few hours or more on the laptop while in the Family Room with my kids playing all around me. There are other days when I lock my husband down there and use the home office for some phone calls or editting a website. Sounds like such a "wonderful" opportunity for some people while most of them have no idea how difficult it is to make happen. In my life the work I do is based on need so set hours are not something I could control. However, for those "at home working" people who have an endless amount of work to keep them busy they experience something different. No one can understand how much easier it really is to know you will go to "work" from 7 to 3 or 8 to 5 or even if you work a part-time schedule. Working from home requires a certain discipline to flexability while at other times having the discipline to simply be at home for so much of your time.

Did I mention the children? Yeah, I would love to say it is a pure joy a blessing to know I can spend time with my kids while going to and from the "work" computer getting task by task done. Well, I would love to say that! I do love being a stay-at-home mom! You also must remember that 2-4 year olds tend to think differently about computers than adults do.

When I first started working from home, my littlest one really didn't care about the "extra" computer but my pre-schooler constantly wanted to know when it was his turn on the new shinny laptop! Eventually, my littlest one waddled into being a typical two year old and wanted her share of play-time on mommies keyboard. (Of course, the answer was always NO but on occasion I let them play on the home computer while in MY lap!)

Let's just say that my mini-hackers would try ANYTHING to find my laptop in the morning before I got up. Did you know that passwords don't protect the Hardware?

Once I even realized that my desk where I kept my laptop stored had been the recent home of a peanut butter and jelly accident subsequently cleaned by a toddler to not be as noticeable. The next morning, my poor laptop sat full of ants....yes, I said ants!

Take the funny with the bad and try to move forward. I do know it's all a blessing and I try desparately to think "happy thoughts" about how I will someday cherish these memories.

SOME DAY....

In Rememberance....

I love to be upbeat and funny in my thoughts or ramblings. I wish that on days like today that was the tone.

It is strange how different events affect us all differently and in no way equally. The moments in my life I will never forget:

The first memory of being in church and the smell of my grandmother's skin,

The confusion of the Challenger tragedy on my young mind while the world mourned,

When my first best friend moved away forever,

That first moment when I knew God was indeed with me...and somehow would not leave me,

The patriotic feeling of writing to classmates fathers during the Desert Storm Gulf War,

Subsequently cheering for them when some of them returned to our school in a rally,

The Oklahoma City bombing tears and shock,

The sorrow of really losing someone in my life that I thought I couldn't live without...then learning to live without them,

Leaving work early because I could no longer function as the tragedy unfolding in Littleton at Columbine High School,

Feeling trapped, hopeless and helpless as the moments and seconds replayed during September 11...a horror never to be forgotten,

The overwhelming reality of meeting my son in all the drama of child-birth,

A moment of realizing that God grants second chances and dreams can come back to life,

I could go on but I will stop with those thoughts. Shaping moments in our personal lives and in history are things that mold us or move us to be better people. We often bury the bad moments away in our memories to try to forget. We forget that only in the moments of realizing our futility can we learn to be better people. Understanding that we have but one life to live should inspire us and move us to live it for a purpose.

Is there meaning in the bad, good and sometimes ugly memories? I believe without remembering ALL of them in perspective we lose sight of how important we can choose to be. I do not think that we should be in constant mourning. I do understand that without respecting how quickly loves are lost we lose track of who we should be loving the most.

I pray that God grants me the courage to press on in this life with the tenacity to take life's challenges head on and pursue my purpose. I thank God that He has not spared me the feeling of great grief so that I can embrace those I love more often, kiss my children and honor my parents while they are still here.

there can be only one....

There can be only one...

There can only be one baby, because even if you pretend there are more this never works out for anyone.

There can be only one oldest, true even with twins or multiples (they care too)!

There can really only be one thing that motivates you to get out of bed...if more things follow they are just along for the day.

I can assure you only one husband fits in a good marriage.

There really can only be one dominate wife...the cleaning lady must go if she does more than clean. (Ahem)

Really only one bite at a time works, and well, if you need to compete in a food competition - reconsider!

There can only be one God, for all of them are jealous gods and eventually catch up to you....he he he!

When worshiping the only true God, you should consider respecting His One and Only Son....

Lord help my unbelief

Mark 9:17-24 (NIV)

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."
20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"
"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I have seen some crazy things in my life that brought forth great Faith to be born in me. As a small child my church memories are few and far between of the little Southern Baptist church we would attend or visit with my grandparents. Later in adolescence growing up in what was an Assembly Of God Organizational church I learned the heart of God through some amazing women and men.

Yes, of course both of those settings came with a sense of religious man-made ideas that somehow always seem to sneak into churches. However, I was also growing up at a point in the "body of Christ" when a "movement" was sweeping through Florida. This movement of revival and healings were very real and God poured out His Spirit in some amazing ways during my pre-teen and teenage years in and around a lot of church type gatherings all around me. I was getting a ring side seat to thousands of people who were hungry for something real and all prayed in one accord to find it. God did in fact show up.

Since this format is after all a blog I will give you a brief understanding of my ages. I asked Jesus to save me from myself and my fears when I was 8 1/2 years old. A few months later I experienced what I know is God himself in the form of the Holy Spirit comfort me in a tangible way. The year I was 9 I attended several tent meetings and two all girl retreats held within our organization. I feel amazed even today at the memories so vivid of standing there next to a little girl, her pastor and her mother as the little girl who never walked a day in her life stood on her own. God right there in that tent retreat grew muscles where there were none. I have more than a handfull of those stories each amazing and each with a realness that no one can convince me of any other facts.

I EXPERIENCED the miracles.
I BELIEVED that GOD could move mountains.
I ANTICIPATED that God would show up when I prayed.
I SAW the lasting effects of the healings.
I EXPECTED God to answer every prayer.

CHILD LIKE FAITH was eventually tested and eventually fell short of all I had once trusted. My trust in His mighty work didn't waiver in the sense that I have never doubted what I experienced or saw. I have although doubted the ability for that same power to follow me in my everyday life and be real in every prayer. No, God does not punish me because I admit my doubts believe it or not. I know now that in a way admitting my doubts or fears gives way to victory.

I am growing a deeper understanding these last 8 years of my life that unbelief hits everyone in some way at some point. The question is what do I do with it? How do I build my Faith and have doubts at the same time?

You see, I am learning that unbelief is rooted in some forms of fear. Fear can be from a lack of understanding. Unbelief can come from what seems to be many avenues but eventually they all have lead from some form of fear. Do you know what happened to the disciples when Jesus was being crucified and later that day died? The Bible tells us that they were even filled with unbelief when the women came running with the news that Jesus had risen!!!

Read the end of the story in Mark 9 about the father's belief and see where the disciples unbelief began.

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil[a] spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."
26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.
28After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
29He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer.[b]"
30They left that place and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, 31because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, "The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise." 32But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.

Did you see it too? Their unbelief literally began with a fear to ask for understanding. The road always seems to start with fear....

Lord, help me deal with my fears both big and small; fears about humbling myself and fears about losing my own life and even the fears of lack; teach me that fear only has a place when covered by silence and that when confronting my fears I find truth, peace and life. Let me be humble as the father who would do anything to save his son, even willing in a group of chosen men to declare my belief and yet my unbelief. Be with me Father God and gather more of your children to cry out with me for your power in our lives. May the revival throughout this land be given fuel with our hearts declaring our need for your healing power. Amen

Egg Fall Out!

We try to take things lightly and simply emphasize the Truth of the Gospel on Holy Holidays such as Easter and Christmas. Well, if it wasn't already hard enough to try to explain to young children how come we all celebrate eggs on Christ's Resurrection Day...my life got harder this year.

The Charlie Brown Easter Movie was on a few times the week before Easter this year. Of course, in honor of how much I remember getting to watch Charlie Brown movies we settled in for some laughs. My 7 year old thoughtfully enjoyed the Spring Break fun. My 4 year old on the other hand has never really grasped the whole bunny and eggs thing. So, upon watching the Charlie Brown Easter Beagle movie not once but twice she was even more concerned.

On Saturday night, we once again talked about the sacrifice Jesus made for us. My sweet little girl pondered the talk and prayed thanksgiving to the Lord. Sweetly and tenderly she also reminded me that tomorrow (Easter) the Easter Beagle would bring her a basket full of eggs....

Yes, folks, the Easter eggs now come from Snoopy!

Hope eveyone had a beautiful day of reflection and family this Easter.

Your where??? Oh no....

Often times while my husband travels he will call while he is driving to check in on me. It is sweet and endearing. He typically really wants to know how things are going for my day, whatever that may look like. Some times, however, he calls because he needs me. Or should I say my technical or administrative skills. In those times I can appreciate being needed and I am always willing to try to help him.

Our conversations can vary, but typically he is almost out of cell phone range and we have a difficult time communicating. So I can't TELL you how many times I have to ask, "Your where?" Mostly, because in order to help some one find something or even to help them with traffic jams, you first must know where they are!! (Laughter can sometimes be appropriate, but it must be done while the caller is on mute!) With the current high speed technology even GPS's have not always been able to help my "on the road" husband. Although I also ask, "Your Where?" when the voice I hear seems to be saying something unbelievable!

Yesterday was one of those days but for a slightly different reason. You see as often (and I would say pretty darn often) as he travels my husband has only once missed a flight. So yesterday stuck in extreme construction traffice in Alabama, he was calling with several missions to accomplish at once. First, when is this construction going to end and how many miles will this take to get to point B? Secondly, among the delays he was facing he needed to know if the flight was going to be on time. And definitely not the least of the problems was what to do in the event he missed this flight?

Well, the entire story was not an easy one to live out. The bottom line was in order to get my husband home in the most cost effective way was to make him wait 3 more hours at the airport and fly to Orlando while I would drive to get him. If anyone has traveled with a small toddler and a 4 yr old they know that this would require some strategy or packing. Neither of which I had time for since, even though he would be waiting 3 more hours on a plane, I would have to leave right then to head to the airport nearby to get our van out of short term parking. UGH! For me and my children being in the car from 6:15 until nearly midnight was exhausting!! Picking up another adult, driving to get the van, and driving to get daddy was so confusing to a 4 yr old.

Sometimes in life knowing where you are isn't the problem but understanding all the steps to get to the final destination is the challenge!!! It isn't always clear to me either, I thought while driving to get my poor husband who had at that point been up since 5 AM. I understood only a portion of his frustration and yet I was the one driving with noise up to my eye balls!! My one year old has started humming to the music as loud as he can. (This was better than the screaming option when I turned off the radio!) Meanwhile the four year old was creating her own harmony to the music by creating her own lyrics with details of today's unfolding drama. My head was beginning to pound but I had to focus on the END RESULT...safely having Asa home without spending money outside of our budget.

Why do certain obstacles stand in our way?

Why can't my journey just be from point A to Z...who needs all 26 letters anyway?

Can there really be a purpose for EVERY THING? Really??? Even costly DETOURS????

These questions and more rushed through me on that drive. As the little ones eased into a motion induced sleep I soaked up the quiet of the van. This day was not easy even before my sweet husband needed my help. Surely some character needed to be built up in me to endure such a drive without the proper toddler necessity. I realized as the toddlers drifting into sleep that I had not even fed them dinner and now due to my own traffic problems there was no time. Orlando is not a forgiving city when it comes to traffic. Pulling off the interstate could be deadly when you are trying to get somewhere on time!!

O.K. I calm myself by thinking that at least we all had a late (and full) lunch which is probably going to hold them through the night. I can make it to the airport in time and them maybe grab something to eat as well. I HAD TO STOP AND FOCUS SO MANY TIMES ON THE CONCLUSION OF THIS NIGHT AND NOT THE MOMENT TO MOMENT UNFOLDING OF PROBLEMS.

As I tried to relax in bed after the entire ordeal was through I knew that I may never know why my day went this way. I may never get the answers to the tough questions about my trials. Will I continue to trust in the God I claim? Or will I doubt once more that His plans are for a favorable outcome? I can only cling to the hope that somehow along this journey maybe because of my obedience to Him someone else will find a DETOUR on their journey which leads them to Him.

Iron vs. Iron Round 1

I really enjoy meeting with friends. You know I was the type of person growing up that always had friends but so many were seasonal due to my families many abrupt moves to other cities. When I landed in High School I had a few years under my belt in the same location and thought I had good ground-work for some life-long friendships. Some of those friendships lasted through a few years, and some of them lasted longer. The reality of those relationships is that only one of them which started in 8th grade has been able to sustain the constant absense of communication of leading different lives. This friendship is not currently a "BFF" one in the sense that we have talked daily or weekly since 8th grade yet is just as familiar, genuine and warm. There was a period in time when (mutually) we both became faceless to the outside world and lost touch. They were times when God gave me someone to lean on, but I always looked for her. I know I am blessed to still see her and chat often.

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Well beyond the high school years it all seems so interesting how God places us in situations to prepare us for where He is leading. There was a place in time when life was like a stage and the behind the scenes chaos was growing weary. A very wise women said that some times when God has called us to pick up our cross and live for Him we forget that the journey may be with only Him by our side to lean on. I was not as conforted as you may think since I am a person who loves to have someone to hang out with who knows the "real" me and who loves me anyway. (I am also quite a talker but I love to listen to others hearts as well.)

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Years later as I fast-forward in my mind to today I am amazed at how many people have been significant in my life as a sharpening tool as the word declares, "IRON SHARPENS IRON." Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I am sincere when I say that those relationships were not all painful and the process was not something to shy away from. I realize looking back that in so many of those chats or talks or sometimes even healthy debates with any of my friends; I found a clearer understanding of my own hearts desires, dreams and believes. I allowed some friends to point me in the direction of the Truth of the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus Christ which saved me from my debt. Some of those friends throughout the years still are not believers, but it never made them less than friends or less like iron.

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I found a verse in Proverbs that describes my walk through this friendship journey in a way I didn't want to always see it. It is simply truth none the less. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." I don't always know who God will "take home" and who will just drift away or who will abandon me. I often times have had plans of my own that seemed to disappoint me.

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I do know that He promised to fulfill His good work in me and sometimes that means I get great friends to enjoy while other moments I am left with just God to hear my heart. In reality, either way there is always someone causing friction in a positive or negative fashion and I can choose to become stronger (grow). Thank you God for teaching me to enjoy the moments as they come and to cherish the people you have given me for such a time as this and to learn from my relationships no matter the length of time. Amen.