What's your shell?

We have a hobby that takes up a ton of space but really works for us and our kids. They get to experience the joys of watching God's creation live, eat and breed, raise babies (fry) and then the fry do the same. We shield our children from the death portion by not really naming the fish and by making sure they don't see carnage.

I have my favorite types of fish and Asa has his but we both agree on the shell-dwelling community fish that have come to take over so many of our tank setups. The most fun is to watch them pick out which shell they will inhabit and usually the males and females choose their own. Then when the mood is right they will share a shell. Some species even mate for life and share the shells regardless of breeding cycles.

Watching them dash into these shells and escape virtually undetectable in most harder shells just blows me away. I was thinking today about how I wish I had a shell that was only big enough for me and (maybe) a mate. Surely there are times with this large family and all these demands make me feel like I am under attack...no choices will be the right choices, so I should just go hide. YEA! But in a longer trail of thoughts I began to realize I hide plenty. I hide behind the cooking when my kids are under my feet. I sometimes hide in the bathroom and sit in the corner to read for a few minutes (this doesn't always stop anyone). Recently I have just hide under my covers in the early morning hours when a child gets up for the day and should still be sleeping. Of course, I always take care of things and never truely hide for more than a minute or two but the thoughts today made me think.

The problem with the fish is pretty simple...they will (in the wild and aquariums) never really venture very far from their shells. In several cases these mates will only ever be one square foot from each other or their "homes" in case of pending danger. W O W. That is a tiny "foot print". In the wild, they find homes that are in areas with plenty of food that will come to them and shelter is only as far away as that little shell. The fry stay in the shell too and will be cornered to the small space by the parents.

See the problem I am having right now is that I so long for that hiding place that I am not willing to risk the danger to stray too far from home. Of course I am referring to an inner sphere of safety and not my actual home. My safety zone doesn't include: truely stepping out on faith to take on new projects, rearranging my life-style to try a new healthier way to feed my family, or making strangers needs more important than my own. The problem is that my dreams inside my heart long to travel, meet the needs of others, and help people I don't know. How can I do any of those things "stuck" to my "shell"?

I love the safety of my inner circle of friends and family but won't they still be that when I step out and take on new adventures? Won't God provide me temporary shelter from the storms of life even outside of my comfort zone? What am I missing by waiting for life to come to me??

Warning Signs

We all (hopefully) learned that the caution signs are all shaped the same for easy recognition. So, the words or pictures on the signs then give us more information about what to be cautious of. They serve an important purpose and can alert drivers to serious dangers and in some cases road closures or bridge construction.

Although, as drivers we usually see these signs and groan about the possible slower traffic or detours ahead. What would we do without any warning at all?

I am a planner, and organizer so I appreciate warnings. However, I am typically irritated at how close the signs are to the actual danger. My FAVORITE example are the crazy "Watch for Rocks" or "Falling Rocks" signs that are literally too late to prepare for any pending dangers! You are driving around mountains, cliffs and hills which take you to the sign and passing through the danger at the same time. You can relate to the other signs like "Dip" or "Bump" that are meant to warn us and seem to never be placed far enough away to slow the car to a safer speed. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?? So, I like the signs that tell me "...500 feet" or give me some idea of danger well enough in advance. That's just me.

My personality of organizing doesn't always fit into the situations I find myself in during this road of life. There are a ton of situations that give you no warning at all (car accidents) and the times when you see a warning sign but not early enough to keep out of danger (chicken pox). My desire for having everything planned out with a list, supplies and emotionally ready just doesn't always happen. So, what do I do when there is no real warning in life? I hold on to the only thing that makes sense to me...the ultimate warning sign for all of life: John 16:33 (Contemporary English Version) "I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer {trouble, tribulations}. But cheer up! I have defeated the world." *{other translations use these words}

Maybe the warning signs on the road are so close to the hazard in order that we may not lose focus on watching for danger?

I know that John 16:33 was written a long time before I arrived so maybe this warning sign just wasn't placed close enough to the pending hazards! None the less, Jesus wanted us to know that it was reality to suffer and yet we should find joy in the peace of knowing He defeated the world.

...Cheer Up, Jesus defeated the world. WOW...cheer up...a rock may hit your car...a deer may run out in front of your vehicle...a bridge closure will re-route your trip by 50 miles...this road is covered in ice...this bridge is too low for your RV...

How about:...Cheer up...life is hard...someone will disappoint you...your parents will die...people will make fun of you...you will out-live your pets...a child might throw up on you...you may fail at your career choice...

I must believe that watching for danger doesn't mean leaving my car behind and never going on any more drives. I must believe that watching for a hazard only means to keep my eyes open and focus on the path ahead. (Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.") Maybe if I let the word light the way, new signs will become visible?

If we will all face hazards, troubles and we will all suffer in some way then how can a sign even help? It doesn't always help, but the one who created us wanted us to know that He loved us enough to take the time to let us know what we would face...with Him right beside us. Although there are plenty of dangers that we never have to walk through because He puts people or things in our paths that delay or reroute our lives in such a way to bypass true disasters EVERYDAY.

I can't plan for when or where all the time, but I can steady my heart to trust that somehow I will make it through. Galations 6:9 "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

I have been pressing on. Philippians 3:13-14 (above in photo) is harder to do than to say!! Forgetting what is behind can be a lofty task. Armed with the knowledge that whatever I fix my eyes on will ultimately be the direction I move in then I know that I MUST strain to what is in front of me.

Be encouraged that focusing on a purpose for your life can help keep you focused on the eternal things and the relationships that God has given us.

The Daddy!!

Do you know a Daddy? Every one had a biological place in which a parent of the male gender was involved but not everyone has a Daddy. I find that in all the things I hear from the "experts" the conclusion of a father-less generation has resulted in the current disease of martyrdom that plagues this nation. I am no expert and I can understand their conclusions.

If you did not have a Daddy then pardon this blog entry and understand that your life was recognized as important and God watched over you and can at any point fill your heart with the love of a Father.

My father was a Daddy imperfect and foolish in so many ways but an example of integrity, incredible work ethics, the caring father, and a man who knew what he stood for. My favorite part about my Daddy was the way he got on my level at any age and played house, dolls, or watched my pretend dance recitals. He was gone for sometimes months at a time but my memories of the QUALITY of time with him remains the brighter image. He had learned the art of giving a small child 3 minutes can equate to hours of quality. When he was busy or working he had learned to let me be within eye shot of what he was doing and allow me to ask him one or two questions while I pretended to help. This created an atmosphere for me to feel connected yet it allowed him the ability to work without pampering me. I was so content to be in his presence because I knew WHEN I needed an answer (even if it was made-up or incomplete) he stopped for three seconds to answer.

My husband has many wonderful qualities that I could have only dreamed of in a Daddy. There are so many times when I can recognize in my sons or daughters eyes the look of awe at their dad. I am amazed that God would let me parent and walk along side this man in this life. I truely am blessed. My children are more so blessed in having such a praying father who really does play with them, connect with them and spend so much time in conversation with each of them.

I choose this picture because I think it MOST signifies the reality of what a Daddy is. A real Daddy carries you, holds your hands and keeps you out of trouble and all the while has convinced you that it's all fun!!!

May God grant you the ability to pray for men in and around you that influence you as father figures and influence your children or mine, as the children really are the direction of tomorrow.

Looking Back

Have you ever been hiking and stopped to look back to evaluate how far you have really gone? This picture was taken while Asa and I were doing just that. The reflections I had today were similar to the experience of looking back while your heart is still beating and reflecting on the journey just taken. Hiking is one thing I love to do and don't get to do very often. My favorite hikes will always include a scenery that takes your breath away while you are hiking. Which in turn really helps to keep you focused on having fun and enjoying yourself.

Looking back prematurely can often bring anxiety if you feel discouraged about the physical demand on the hike ahead. However, stopping over halfway to your destination point has been my favorite time to enjoy the scenery. Even in wooded downhill climbs or in a praire you can enjoy the overall view from where you have been.

In life I can find myself discouraged when I try to find "closure" on issues that are not that far removed from my current situation. However, if I continue to journey through life and wait for the peace to stop and reflect I typically find that the "closure" has already occured. Developing a sense of accomplishment comes when I realize that I have really stepped out and moved a great distance from the pain, or heartbreak, or moment that seemed difficult. This encourages me that life can have moments of reflection where great peace can be obtained by looking back over events or circumstances. I personally think that we are too quick to try to understand our situations or analize each moment as it passes. I feel like when we allow ourselves distance and try to move forward we can find a moment in the future to reflect and learn so much more in retrospect.

Waiting Room Experience

Have you ever been in a waiting room for a doctor that was not going to be giving anyone good news? You undoubtedly know someone who has dealt with, lived through, struggles or couldn't make it through a life experience without hospitals or doctors visits. Each of us is never far removed from those experiences, unfortunately.

I have been in a few waiting rooms during my life where everyone was in the same "boat" if you will allow me the liberty to say so. We may not have all been the pateint, and we may not all have needed the same type of treatment. However, we were all there with the reality that "bad things were afloat" and needed to be taken care of somehow, someway.

During a few life experiences with relatives in the Terminal Ward of the hospital the nurses all seemed to have that look on their face. The "so sorry for you" look and such looks that left you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Every other family seemed to be looking for someone to share the horrible experience with in order to evade the loneliness. Do you find loneliness in those silent waiting rooms of life? Or do you reach out to the closest stranger to find comfort in a similar story?

When we look at doctor visits in questionable times we often look around and wonder what everyone else is there for. (At least I do) I have been to an appointment with a friend and found myself feeling the urge to say...I am not here for me...but thankfully I kept my mouth shut!

The strangest part about these experiences are the way that each person deals with the mellow drama that is the waiting room. In the hours of waiting in any situation, I would recite to myself the Psalm 23...

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Those waiting rooms were full of fear, doubt, tormenting thoughts of "what now, why me, what do I do, what next, how will I..." Yet, I was able to focus on those two verses in Psalms that declared the goodness of the Lord would restore my soul and He would guide me. I didn't care where He led but I just knew that it would be for His Name's sake, and I would find rest.
I really pray that if you find yourself in a such a place like those scary waiting rooms that you will have enough strength to show peace and calm. I can assure you that those who are looking for it will engage you and I pray that you are able to share the goodness that you find comfort in.

May the Lord shine His face upon you!!

Boneman's Daughter

A book by the rightfully acclaimed author Ted Dekker. Although, I have yet to find the courage to read this newest thriller novel, I am drawn to the subject and the compassionate way Dekker pulls readers into his twisted realities. The problem with this book is that it was based on the life experience he had as his daughter was sucked into hell itself and abused by a crazed young man who had seduced her for years and Ted's family was forced to live out a horrible period in time when nothing on Earth could save his daughter from this man's grasp.
Dekker drew closer to the Father God as he began to understand just how desperate any Father becomes to have his child back...except the cruel reality it that the "adult child" must release control back to the Father...

You can read Dekker's partial testimony and the reasons why he wrote the book in his official blog: http://www.teddekker.com/2009/04/13/are-you-bonemans-daughter/

As a child Dekker was raised among the headhunter tribes of Indonesia and describes his childhood as living in a culture as a stranger and gave him the opportunity to reach into his imagination to create another world he belonged to.

His novels are often lined with spiritual connections and draws the reader to examine some hard questions. To me, he is the creepiest author I have read with a peace behind it that is not like the novels of other famed authors...I find that the peace of the truth is so close you can touch it, but far enough away that you are longing for the characters to discover it.

Definitely I book I am aiming to read soon. My true point...Dekker's books are lined with truth because that is so much a part of him. My work, my play, my communication should be filled with the truth just the same.

No matter what your talent, job, career path, or recreational activity - I pray that you find a way to add Jesus' Love and the exclamation point to your life too!

My Moment

I must admit I had to take a moment and walk away from blogging for a few weeks. It has been good to not put into words on cyberspace the thoughts that have come and gone. It was better for the world, or at least my friends to not be exposed to such random moods.

As for now, I am in much better shape and looking happily ahead to the next hill to conquer and mountain to climb!

I do have something that I must say...life can always get more complicated...can always get worse....and just when you think you have seen it all...someone you know or love will experience worse...we are never very far away from those 'tragedies that bind or break us'!

That is all for now.

Good night, and good growing...