Lord help my unbelief

Mark 9:17-24 (NIV)

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."
20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"
"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I have seen some crazy things in my life that brought forth great Faith to be born in me. As a small child my church memories are few and far between of the little Southern Baptist church we would attend or visit with my grandparents. Later in adolescence growing up in what was an Assembly Of God Organizational church I learned the heart of God through some amazing women and men.

Yes, of course both of those settings came with a sense of religious man-made ideas that somehow always seem to sneak into churches. However, I was also growing up at a point in the "body of Christ" when a "movement" was sweeping through Florida. This movement of revival and healings were very real and God poured out His Spirit in some amazing ways during my pre-teen and teenage years in and around a lot of church type gatherings all around me. I was getting a ring side seat to thousands of people who were hungry for something real and all prayed in one accord to find it. God did in fact show up.

Since this format is after all a blog I will give you a brief understanding of my ages. I asked Jesus to save me from myself and my fears when I was 8 1/2 years old. A few months later I experienced what I know is God himself in the form of the Holy Spirit comfort me in a tangible way. The year I was 9 I attended several tent meetings and two all girl retreats held within our organization. I feel amazed even today at the memories so vivid of standing there next to a little girl, her pastor and her mother as the little girl who never walked a day in her life stood on her own. God right there in that tent retreat grew muscles where there were none. I have more than a handfull of those stories each amazing and each with a realness that no one can convince me of any other facts.

I EXPERIENCED the miracles.
I BELIEVED that GOD could move mountains.
I ANTICIPATED that God would show up when I prayed.
I SAW the lasting effects of the healings.
I EXPECTED God to answer every prayer.

CHILD LIKE FAITH was eventually tested and eventually fell short of all I had once trusted. My trust in His mighty work didn't waiver in the sense that I have never doubted what I experienced or saw. I have although doubted the ability for that same power to follow me in my everyday life and be real in every prayer. No, God does not punish me because I admit my doubts believe it or not. I know now that in a way admitting my doubts or fears gives way to victory.

I am growing a deeper understanding these last 8 years of my life that unbelief hits everyone in some way at some point. The question is what do I do with it? How do I build my Faith and have doubts at the same time?

You see, I am learning that unbelief is rooted in some forms of fear. Fear can be from a lack of understanding. Unbelief can come from what seems to be many avenues but eventually they all have lead from some form of fear. Do you know what happened to the disciples when Jesus was being crucified and later that day died? The Bible tells us that they were even filled with unbelief when the women came running with the news that Jesus had risen!!!

Read the end of the story in Mark 9 about the father's belief and see where the disciples unbelief began.

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil[a] spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."
26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.
28After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
29He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer.[b]"
30They left that place and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, 31because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, "The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise." 32But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.

Did you see it too? Their unbelief literally began with a fear to ask for understanding. The road always seems to start with fear....

Lord, help me deal with my fears both big and small; fears about humbling myself and fears about losing my own life and even the fears of lack; teach me that fear only has a place when covered by silence and that when confronting my fears I find truth, peace and life. Let me be humble as the father who would do anything to save his son, even willing in a group of chosen men to declare my belief and yet my unbelief. Be with me Father God and gather more of your children to cry out with me for your power in our lives. May the revival throughout this land be given fuel with our hearts declaring our need for your healing power. Amen