HOPE? yes Hope!

There have been many sermons that this little head has drown in, and some sermons simply confused me, yet others left me in tears for the HOPE I heard about but didn't know how to apply.

I have often heard this verse which supposed to promise Hope as the King James Version: "To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory:"  It goes on to then further describe some complicated non-english stuff.

Many pastors in the current churches just skipped over the "God would make known" section and quote, "Christ in you, the hope of glory". And as well and good any of those sermons may have been, I was lacking the ability to find hope when my life seemed hopeless.

In the New Living Translation of the Bible I have found some help in understanding the text.

Colossians 1:27 "For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory."

WOW... So, IT WAS A SECRET!!! HAHAHAHAHA,  But the secret was in the verse all along.

Christ gives me the assurance of sharing in His glory. And WHAT are the benefits of this seems to be what the first portion of the verse declares, God wanted us to share the riches and glory of Christ. To clarify, my personal position and from what I read in other portions of the bible, this glory is not found in being on American Idol, or finding our bust cast in the local museum, but rather living victoriously.

So, when we temper this verse now with my new understanding, I find this Psalm so much more soothing.


Psalm 71:14

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

For those people who want to verify that Christ in fact lives in me, you can read the complete teaching in Galations 2 which explains how we die to our own spirit by our own free will and Christ comes to dwell with us.

My point was always that I never knew how to apply the illusive HOPE. Well, I am here to tell you that in hopeless situations I am not always remembering any bible verses. So, when I eventually turn to God in prayer I realize, I am meant to be hopeless when it comes to my own abilities, but when I acknowledge that I have eternal hope and the weapons of this world are temporary.  I tend to look beyond this moment.

I also find hope in looking at people who have lived far worse situations and hopelessness within the bible and found a way to see themselves as victors. Sure, we live in "different times" but do we really?? Corrupt government,  righteous dictators controlling people who believe the righteous approval gets them eternal salvation, murder on the streets, corrupt social systems burdened with steretypes, racism and distain for others, starving people across the globe, whole cities overwhelmed with sinful selfishness, and open disregard for wisdom within the courts: Yes, I would say, the times are much the same with "different" people, but very much the same.

I don't know how to explain the secret to unlocking this Hope within us, but the first step is to make sure you are right with God and that Christ does have room in your life. Have you moved out & let him have your life's direction? Well then, now you have to deal with trusting it. When He is in us, then we are no longer in our will, but his will. He is with you, God himself through the Holy Spirit is directing your path.

So, I take a deep breath, remind my brain (not part of the spirit) that it is not in control of my future, but that the Spirit of the Lord is walking this life with me. I am going to share in the sufferings of Christ, but I will also share in the Love, the Peace, the Security of knowing the grave is not the end. And really, someone - somewhere - has lived worse, yet, God comforted them. I MUST SHARE MY HOPE WITH OTHERS!!!! I need to wear this hope on my sleeve, and most importantly my FACE!

Laughter; The fruit of real life.

~Life Lessons: Family Laughter.~

I can’t say that I dwell in the past. A girl’s past can be ‘a many splendid thing’ or it can be a haunting nightmare. No one’s past is the same. No one family tree is perfect. No one story ever can be told with one or two short sitting spells over coffee. Life is always hard for any kid but when the kid buries part of them to keep skeletons in the basement, most children just learn to grow up and try to move on. Some of us manage to find peace in life. 

For me, I have written and talked about it enough to say, that I learned to deal with skeletons early in life. The first thing I learned was how much honesty will hurt the wrong person and let the person who wronged you get the upper hand. Or did I? I was honest as a j-bird anyway. I shot from the hip as a small child, never thinking about any consequence. Shining the light in the closet wasn’t the only way to feel comfortable, but when you’re a kid afraid of the dark ~ light helps!! It was NOT something I recommend, and I had a very shy uncomfortable side to me in contrast. 

My Grandma Kicklighter, I know God loved her, and gave her a knack for a way to cope: laughter. While I was just tattling on adults and telling everybody everyone else’s secrets…she laughed away the pain in her life. I grew up in the South. Well, I say that because most psychologists will tell you that a child learns most of its personality traits before they are 5 years old. I grew up in the heart of Southern Living well into Middle School life. My manners, or lack thereof, got me into enough trouble and my mouth got me into more than my little butt bargained for. The look on some of those jerks faces was all I needed to get me through to the next uncomfortable place, where ever it would find me in the future. (I was always certain of one thing in my little head and that was the fact that I wasn’t going to like some situation soon.) 

In a recent heart to heart chat with my mother, and yes, I called her mother when I was young too. Once I even asked her if she was the evil step-mother from Cinderella. See, how my honesty could get me into trouble. Anyway, in our recent chats I told her about my need to write down some of the most important lessons people like her have taught me. She was supportive and cautious as she too is familiar with my honest streak. You can say I think honest, like my dad which is a wise move to make. Honest thinkers look at the situation and don’t sugar coat it in their memories. Then you get to the part where I speak honest and most people would like to think they do, but no one does this like my mom. I learned a lot from my dad and I like to think more than I talk these days but either way you’ll get my honesty. 

Moms can’t always help their children become who God intends. I am learning that sometimes God gives us children we are unprepared to guide, so he gives us other people in our lives that help us guide our children. My mom always let my grandma guide me without much jealousy. We all laughed together a lot after I grew of age. My mother came to terms with my grandmother leading me, even if it meant I got pieces of my grandma no one else would ever hear. 

Laughter doesn’t have to be honest, or pure. Boy when it’s an honest gut wrenching laugh it fills the air and is what some call a contagious laughter. My grandmother’s legacy reenters this story here. She was a God-fearing woman and I loved her but she had a stream running through her veins that was deep pain and only laughter let her clean it out of her system. My mom sat on the front steps at her house the day she died and I knew it would take some time before I could make her laugh the way her mother could. My grandmother took the simplest of things in life and made them funny. She took practical jokes to church. I learned from her why Jesus must have been a fun to be around as a teen. 

When life is waiting for you to fail, and when there is always a burden waiting for you to carry it you can choose: – a life lived waiting to die under it’s weight – OR – a life lived within every moment in anticipation of something to smile about and something to loosen your muscles and the fastest way to release the pain is to laugh.

Laugh at it all. 

God answered my prayer. My Uncle Jack fell that dad right in front of us all ~ we checked to see if he was ok, and then with my Grandmothers blessing, we all let out a bellowed laugh… then we all cried.. then we laughed some more. My grandmother was the first person I saw laugh when someone got hurt. I wasn’t sure what to make of it when I was little but then, as I got older I learned more about slapstick comedy. As I matured and learned about some of our family skeletons, the burdens my grandmother bore and the children she raised because her mother slipped out at night and eventually didn’t return; that’s when I learned WHY she loved to laugh. 

My grandma never really lied, but often told stories about people with different names to protect the innocent. They were her stories, but the innocent was always us. She always wanted us to look at things “fresh” and “honest”. Most importantly, she wanted us to laugh. And laugh hard. Even if it was at your cousin who skinned their knee on the pavement…: No seriously, make sure they aren’t hurt, get help and then laugh! But she always laughed first.. then helped us up. P.S. Her feelings were hurt when she tripped and fell and no one laughed with her at the hilarity of it all. 

Here’s the real lesson: it wasn’t in the moment that made anything funny, it was all about learning how to tell the story!

She was alongside my dad one of the best storytellers of my life. She took the truth and stepped outside of it and told a story of the tale with accurate punch lines to make even the straightest face crack a smile.

So, when the pain of my life or the burden that tries to weigh me down peers around in the mirror; I can’t forget the lesson that deteriorates all life can throw at you ~ find anything you can and laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh till you cry. Let the laughter release the real pain, the real tears, the real fears and then gather yourself together – grab a hanky and laugh at your tears. * Preferably laugh with someone else.*

Soapy Sin

I happen to have a beautiful shower which means we have a large glass door and glass panels. It makes a gorgeous look that I knew right away would be my one cleaning monster to conquer. I have had the luxury of glass shower doors previously and knew that the only way to have a clean shower door is to never let it get dirty. HA! Yeah right!

So, the next best step of never using this beautiful functional shower is to buy or create a cleansing spray that you can use on the shower door after each encounter with soap & shampoo. Of course, some would say that glycerin soap will not require as much maintenance, but honestly, my husband and I use different soaps and it’s typically the oh so “professional” hair products that cause the largest soap scum. So, the reality is that we “spray” our shower with a shower cleaner lightly (less than when cleaning) after each use and then a regular monthly cleaning keeps it completely clean.

Yes, I just told you that I only clean my shower once a month. But have no fear, it’s clean.

EXCEPT for when I “sin” against my shower and get too busy to spray it every day. Although my shower doesn’t get mad at me and doesn’t even care when I miss one or two days of “pre-cleaning” that lack of faithfulness will land me in trouble. I can find that if I just don’t have time to spray my shower today then forget tomorrow I will end up with 4 or 5 days worth of what seems to be an overnight situation of soap scum.

Then, it hit me in the shower one day while I was dreading the actual scrubbing with ammonia to come. GEE, Shelley, this soapy build up didn’t appear overnight, but you just couldn’t “see” it before this morning because it was in small amounts and relatively clear. Yes, you are all smarter than me I am sure but ultimately my spiritual life flashed before me in this soapy residue.
I do great for a long time; maybe even go a few years without missing the time I need to invest in my spiritual health. I will be on a regular routine of quiet time (meditation scares Christians so I leave that word out), looking to the Word for insight, being mindful of who I am and who I am not (repenting to turn away from the things I don’t want to be) and even chatting about spiritual challenges with friends on a regular basis. Thus, I am really doing what can be radically viewed as daily cleansing and a renewal of my mind. Yet, let one area get to be too hard for my schedule or if I allow myself to become too independent and lose those thought provoking spiritual growth opportunities for too long and uh oh! I can find myself looking through foggy spiritual eyes and missing something. In one moment in less than a minute I stood in my soapy reflection of that glass door and saw a window into my soul’s stained glass.

Is it hard to clean a glass door covered in soap scum? NO, not if you have the right formula.

My soul can be stained with unimaginable sin, and only one prayer of belief in a God who loves me can wash it all away. Does that sin re-stain that glass, no, I don’t believe so. If I go back out and sin again do I lose my salvation, no, I don’t think that happens either – I am talking about clarity and vision. Sin does separate us from our God, and although a savior (Jesus) can save us & wash us clean in one prayer; we become a saint trapped in a sin-craving body who has to be tamed. We ultimately all sin after we are saved and if not looked after with some internal thought, thoughtful conversations and finding insights in the Word of God…or whatever you think the Bible tells you to do to maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle… I think we can start to see things in a less than clean light. I think maybe that is when we are easily offended, or even when we become innocently used by gossip, or maybe that’s why people who love Jesus forget how to love other people who also love Jesus?

Look, I am not saying this was a divine moment that someone should live by. I am telling you that I know what I realized in that soap scum build up that had taken over a portion of my shower door: if I leave this, it will quickly turn this beautiful bathroom into a place no one wants to shower, but the simplest of acts will make this shower door look brand new and that is a chance I don’t want to pass up.

My grandmother was a woman of God who often said, “the bible won’t tell you this, but cleanliness is the closest thing to Godliness.” I am NOT saying that, the Lord knows I don’t keep the kind of clean house my grandmother kept. I AM SAYING that a little bit of time spent on making myself aware of how I can live better, show more love to others, give more of myself away with thought & purpose within a balanced lifestyle of friends and social groups that inspire me – those things help keep my spiritual windows to the outside world less tainted and easier for people to see what I have holding me together inside this life. Let’s face it, without a way to see IN my life, no one is going to see the GOODNESS of GOD in me.

Really, I want to see out, but I more importantly want to be transparent enough for people to not focus on my flaws (soapy residue), but on the One who inspires me to Love them. I don’t want my life’s soap scum to get in their way.

Cowboys, Jocks & Baggy Jeans II

~ Life Lessons from Dad ~ Part 2

COWBOYS WHO...

My high school came and I was willing to step out and find the real me outside of the environment that kept me a shy scared little white girl. We had lived in Alabama when I was younger, I had lived in small towns and my entire family was a small town group placed in the outskirts of what might as well have been NY to me (Tampa). I was ready to embrace my roots & dare to dress in the style I felt comfortable in. Vintage western mixed with the nineties and there you have me, button up sun dresses in knee high pointed toe cowboy boots. (And just to the curious, yes, I had learned how to dance long before high school and enjoyed my line dancing!) Of course, this was also a popular way to dress and country was making it's own "cool" crowd so I was not alone!! 

My dad and mom had always dressed me this way and it somehow found me new friends. I retell it now as the "cowboy talk" but it went something like this. 

My dad tells me about when this time he got on a pissed off mean bull. Followed by how stupid this choice was and how many stitches he gained from the experience. Leading into a short conversation about real men and what real hard work on a farm in central Florida looks like to date. Then I get asked, "Do you know how to tell if a man is a cowboy or just trying to look like George Strait?" (Whom I love to gaze upon still.) ~ First, if he tells you he rides a bull, he's lying (I am fairly certain the exact phrase is not PG but it meant lying). *Real cowboys ride for the love and a real man doesn't brag. ~Second, (& my fav at the time) if his jeans are tight enough to see his heartbeat in then he ain't rode no horse and don't plan on it. 

The other thing that stuck out that day was something I found funny and now adore about my father's wisdom. *The only cowboy you are gonna find at that high school will not have time to date you but may invite you over to have dinner with his mom. Followed immediately by the No you can not go and don't worry since you won't find one. 

DISCLAIMER

Now let me say this disclaimer: My dad has admitted to me that mostly he shot from the hip and barely remembers any advice he has given me. He doesn't seem to remember some of those difficult talks but I love those memories burned into my brained none the less. Funny enough, my mother who has a diagnosed memory problem can remember most of what I have wrote about in this series!! So, I have a partial witness! :)

I still call my dad. As recently as two weeks ago his advice was this: Shelley men are stupid [about women] and when they learn what they should know they are too old to [abuse] it. 

In his cryptic way, I am sure I will see the light soon enough.

JOCKS

As a teen who was interested in lots of social functions, church, and after school band practice, football games; my parents often got as many friends over to our house as possible. (To keep track of my social life as any parent should.) My sixteenth birthday party brought about 30 teens to our home. After which led to the talk about the fools who showed up. 

*In a side note, I knew these were goofy kids, but I invited anyone who promised not to bring illegal activities to my house... and you may remember I have mentioned that I had friends from every crowd. 

Thus we had the letter-man jacket conversation! "Jocks are the fools at the party," he explained, "and as much "fun" as they may bring to the party; it's rare to find one who isn't full of himself and respectful." That was it, I guess he missed the part were he was suppose to explain it with grace. 

Of course, I had to explain that the fools in jackets at this party were mostly band geeks, journalists, and part of the wrestling team! Oh, wait there was that one guy who played basketball.... but really wasn't much of the jock type! (SORRY If you know who I am talking about.) So, I laugh, "You have nothing to worry about that in people who are going to hang out with me dad! Times have changed, and every "geek" or loser like me can letter in something."  (I actually acquired 3 letters and 4 bars by the time I graduated and didn't even dress out for PE!)

DAD

I know that when the day comes, which I am not ready for any time soon, and I have to turn over my dad to Jesus. I will have asked more questions, I know I will have done another project with him and heard some more funny anecdotes about men; and life from a crazy ole Iron-worker redneck who now watches too much TV and shoots wandering by field rats with a shotgun! 

While at my moms, try not to chew too loud on the porch!  :)

Cowboys, Jocks, & Baggy Jeans

~ Life Lessons from Dad ~ Part 1

My dad was "old" but no, really, everyone thought my dad was old too. He was 35 the year I was born, and although that isn't really old - it felt older when he had three older children who were MUCH older than me in relationship. :) Of course, as I approach the age I know it's not the age but the personality of someone who makes them seem old to a child. My dad had lived hard, played hard and sometimes prayed hard. 

I ran to his love from an early age and our relationship was a healthy one with far more of me talking than him = as it should be with a wise listener and a smaller child!!

So, we built stuff, broke stuff: I mean "worked on it" and he taught me about farms, the way to speak to horses (he loved the essence of training them without hurting them), taught me to shot at tin cans, and we often were together when it was time to kill a chicken for dinner or "dress" an animal that needed to be frozen for the winter. 

OK. I know I lost some of you but it was that kind of lifestyle when we were younger and in the region.

When we moved to the "big city" of Tampa and our talks changed as I began to explore my new social world.  I was saved (a spiritual experience with Christ) after we moved there and I was getting older. Funny how my dad and I never had A talk but we shared moments when my dad "shared revelations about boys". My dad revealed things in a very Southern and cryptic way. Why do people from the South talk in a language that few understand? I can only think it is both a conversation and constant test which coincide!  

BAGGY PANTS

Dad asked me once if the boys in my class wore baggy pants and were forced to put their hands in their pockets to hold them up. Well, this was the late 80's.... and the answer was going to be yes! 

As my dad worked that day in his shop he explained that I should never trust a boy who keeps his hands in his pockets and wears baggy pants. Followed with, "this ain't about what they look like, or what type of pants they are wearing but about their manners girl!" 

 -- My "ah ha" moment was 6 years later before I understood what in the tar hill he was talking about.  HE WAS RIGHT. 

CROSSING THE GANG LINE

In middle school we may not have lived directly in gang cross fire, but we sure were bused to the middle of a war. (Another blog there entirely.) This area was not new to gang violence and my class had been on the local TV stations for years over the increased gang war mounting violence within the public school system. My first raid for drugs on campus was in 6th grade, they arrested 7 students. The mob riots started in 7th grade and by 8th grade I had that most of my class had a lethal weapon on their person or in their locker.  It was a place that made my parents nervous, but the school system and their situation gave them no other choice but public school. 

I know my dad was always worried. He was insistent that I keep my nose in a book and my head in music and to make friends with the drummers in band. (So much wisdom about the culture of our schools even in that statement.) Drummers were easy to make friends with since I had learned by then how to dabble with many instruments and was good with a beat. They also stuck up for each other more than most. The drum line made peace with each other. 

The important reminder he gave me once or twice a week was the importance of anonymity when & if I needed to snitch for my own safety. (The same kids who rode my bus were frequently involved in trouble.) I thought it was strange that my dad was so worried about me BEING the narc but always asking me to tell on kids who were about to cause trouble. It seemed confusing to this 8th grader when given no explanation.  

When you are an unwilling witness to death (as I would be far too close a few times that year) you need to tell without getting dead yourself.

Yet, throughout my life when I have ignored this advice it has come back to bite my in the -ahem-.  

continued.....

(see part 2)

Jellies & Outlet Shopping

GIFTS FROM MY MOM!

(The above pair of Jellies can be purchased from http://www.shoebuy.com/nina-dazzy/371325/793040 for around $30)

There are trends that we all participate in and some day we fear the photo evidence ~ uh hum ~ parachute pants, pleather black pants, or those punky brewster shoes with non-matching socks ~ not that I would know!!

Here's the thing; we didn't have much "stuff" and didn't really get much via name brand items. We (my family) had a LOT of other things that "those kids" didn't though. Um like, my very own earth worm pit, and subsequent earth worm races! We had starched pants off the clothes line that stood up by themselves and our fruit trees. More pears than we could ever can, eat, cook or preserve and other creations from which I stear clear of if at all possible. Oh, did I mention, we got a golf cart while all the other kids were getting go carts!! But our dad made that golf cart speed!!

The point I was making got lost, but I'll get back on track.

We got much more "stuff" second-hand (third-hand for me) or from the Outlet Stores rather than the department stores like those "other kids". Interesting as it is OUTLET when I was younger was not the place where Northerners go to grab some deals ~ OH NO!!! This was the ACTUAL manufacturer defect drop off store that sold the items for nothing to get rid of them but still turn a penny. This was the IRREGULAR Store. Oh - I am very serious. We had to try on EVERYTHING. It could have flaws that you would never notice if you didn't put it on. The largest problem was typically that it wasn't sewn to be the size the tag said it was. However, in each trip to a large shopping trip was a funny irregular item. Not so funny when your mom suggest you wear it anyway and it's pocket is in the wrong place or the tag is ripped off.

The other half of our purchased material possessions came from cheap-o stores. You know, the Dollar General where things may not be a dollar because they are a "look a like" to the name brand counter-part!  Well, look-a-like may be a stretch.

This is where my mom always bought my "jelly shoes" aka "jellies". I loved them. I thought this idea was the best thing since fake lures. These little shoes were the crocs of my childhood. Apparently, they are still sold for a rather expensive price tag. (listed above) I was so in love with being barefoot that this was just as wonderful and helped make cute little marks on my feet with the dirt! (OK I may not relate to every child, but I was really cute when someone brushed my hair!)

A few years of wearing them out, then getting new cheap-o fake jellies and I was addicted. One year one of my relatives bought me a pair of nice new soft jellies. I don't remember which gift exchange this would have been but I do remember the moment when I didn't like them. Can you guess why??

The only thought that sticks out amoung the tears in my memory is the idea, "they don't crunch" ~ there is no crunchy plastic! All of my new pairs of shoes had to be worn in, give me very sore blisters in the meantime and I had grown used to this way of life.

I WAS RUINED . . . BY JUNK KNOCK OFFS!

I love to find a deal even to this day but I really do not like trying clothes on. I still have small flash backs of dressing room nightmares in outlet stores and of my mother putting clothes over the clothes we had on when there was no dressing room!

You can teach a child any thing without trying. Especially when the lesson involves shopping. The lack of explanation can sometimes open doors of understanding that can not be taught anywhere else. ~ When you never get new stuff, but you get trendy-ish shoes 2 times a year, even if they are crap, you will begin to believe that the crap is the Lexus of all the items in your closet. ~

I try really hard to budget our clothing allowance, to take my children to the thrift store, to appreciate the handed down clothes of relatives but to also value all of the items in their closet. While we do our share of shopping big sales in actually department stores. (My children don't notice that most of the times we never buy anything! It's about making it fun not putting ourselves down.)

DISCLAIMER: No children were injured in this memory & The views expressed here are meant to make us think WHILE we enjoy saving money & shopping!

My Florida ~ Pictures

I am starting a blog that I will come back to when needed. I will just call them My Florida!  They will not always be what you expect, since I have a few that will make you think twice.  So, let's start with an easy one, shall we!

The Magic Is Never Far Away ~ unless you live in Pensacola!! :)

Green lawn doesn't mean green grass!

Grass, is green, but so are so many Florida native weeds! Yes, my bog is somewhat about grass, I know I couldn't believe it either!

The grass is not always greener on the other lawn and in some cases their green lawn ISN'T even grass!! We just can't let it all get us down. I mean, you should be striving for some sort of measurable success just not based on the nieghbors next door.

Let's face it, contemplating grass in a deed restricted community isn't all it's cracked up to be and I never really even thought I would find myself in this situation. (I was such a country girl long ago.) Life is what it is in these Floridian parts of the country, and although there are some rather nice communities without deed restrictions it isn't working out to be inviting to own a home in, or a plot I can afford at this phase in our lives. And although some will understand the plight of the grass deed restrictions we can really all relate I promise.

Some have that lady in the Bible study who has a new stylish pair of shoes each week. Some of us wonder about the people down the street and how in the world they could afford such a car in this economy. There are those of us who tend to look at our checking account and imagine "what if" scenerios reagrding some "other" life style that must not be hurting this much! A few of us pretend we don't think anything along these lines until we are trying on swim suites and ... we won't go there, but you are thinking it no matter what size you have to walk to the counter with. And then there are a LOT of us that talk to our neighbors, ask them what lawn service they are using (since we know they must be cheating in this conservation lot community) and we secretly hope they slip up and claim to water more than the law allows or use fertilizer that isn't "approved" for our water front properties. (Ok, retention ponds in Fl are really water front, why I don't know, but at least it's 5 acres of water!)

Here's my point I will make as fast as possible, we all tend to drift off into comparisons when the ultimate comparison has already been given. ~ Proverbs 8:17



"I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."

The green grass, the new run way look, the sexier body (the one who isn't blessed with 3 child births under her hips), the "happier couple" that seem just to just never disagree, the FILL IN THE BLANK life that you are oh so shy of; doesn't exist in reality. They are all facades just like my greener "lawn" neighbor who has more crabgrass than he can manage!!! Sure it's green, but so are clovers. 

God's love should be the only thing we constantly check our compass on. Seeking God's love will always pull your life, your health, and your relationships heck, even your home into a more perfect place than you could've imagined. When we work on our focus and we focus on finding God, He finds us... and restores all that we wished  we could have except with more abundance!  You see, a beautiful lawn doesn't happen by itself and neither does a beautiful life, because only the Giver of Life can make that happen.

Now, go fertilize your grass with naturally stinky stuff, do something selfless for your spouse, call your parents just because, look in the mirror at your figure beautifully marking the joy of that first kiss from your newborn, or simply remind yourself that we all have something better than money could buy.... a Savior, Friend, Strong-Tower and Refuge waiting for us to seek Him.   

'Hallmark' didn't write about your mom...now what?

There must be more people than me that didn't grow up with the "Beaver's Mom" or even a closely related personality. I will clarify that absolutely wholeheartedly love and honor my mother NOW but it wasn't always that easy. Someone must identify with me as we live in a time and place when most parents (especially Baby Boomer parents) were not that in touch with what God says about being a leader or great at parenting in general. 

I understand that some parenting "styles" that were famous led some of our parents astray. The reality of my parents was a little bit different. They had both been broken beyond compare and divorced (my dad more times than he likes to admit) with broken relationships in large abundance. The largest area of brokenness for BOTH of my parents came through their childhood experiences with parents. Let's face it, I am NOT an opponent of excuses, so by the time you are old enough to get married, divorced and married again - I believe you should have these issues worked through. Alas, they did not have anything even put in a pile to work on, because for them they were just too self-absorbed at times to realize there were better ways.

Now, I will interject this small thought - this blog is not a pitty party, for I need nothing of the sort, but only a glimpse to show you that I can empathize. So, my parents were dysfunctional which is after all a learned behavior and not something we are crippled with a birth. My mother especially had a rough childhood and lost her ability to really nurture a small child. Although in her story I seemed to be the infant that didn't want to be nurtured but my reality was more like a stand-offish mother most of the time who lacked compassion until SHE wanted to be smothered in her children, and by then we wanted nothing to do with it. EVEN through group therapy, individual therapy and some serious years of Jesus doing things to fix the brokenness my parents created there are still struggles in my life to allow my mom to try to hug me. She knows this, so I am not hiding the truth. 

And although my parents gave me things, as I plan to share in future blogs, my point is my mom wasn't the Mother that Hallmark writes all those cards for. We didn't have a relationship that felt anything like those warm and fuzzy or rose covered cards in the store. In my adolescence and innocent youth I often created my own cards, and my mother kept them to "prove my inability to love her" because they were riddled with weird thoughts from me. I would try to conjure up the nicest possible thing to say like, "she likes to cook but not things I like." It was raw and embarrassing as I grew into an adult. 

There is hope if you too have this type of memory. Every night around the age of 8 without much fail I would pray for God to talk to my mom, be real to her, show her He was real to me. She mocked God, and often used the church as a source of discipline if I didn't do the right thing....then I couldn't go for a week. If I was sick on Monday and stayed home from school then Wednesday night church was not allowed. I had no hope to believe this would ever change and in reality my relationship with my mom felt stale and impossible. I didn't know how to love her by then and she didn't seem to know how to love me. 

Let me share with you a truth that set me free: All of my therapy in the world combined couldn't begin to change my childhood or who my mother was or wasn't for me ~ GOD COULD! 

Some one is thinking the way I thought - "God doesn't let us have a childhood over again." Well, no not exactly, but God transformed my need to go back and relive it. And in the Hope that comes with a devotional prayer and constant petition to the Heavens.... He did start changing my mom. And my mom was a hard nut to crack, and even harder one to shut up long enough for God to speak! (Love you mom!)

As an adult I would pray for my mom but much less often until I felt even God had given up on changing or speaking to her. The change and sudden transformation of my mother & her life was both in an instant and is still being changed, Praise God. But it came out of "nowhere" as some would say. One night, she showed up at my home church and was changed before she left. She repented of so many mistakes in front of my home church in a few short weeks my mother started to sound like someone overwhelmed with a compassionate love that takes you somewhere over the rainbow. 

I still faced the problem of our past, and you will always have those disappointments, even WHEN (not if) God makes deep transformations in people you love. No Hallmark card will EVER work for me when looking for Mother's Day cards, but not in a bad way anymore. Now I struggle to find one that says, "You once were a stranger though you gave me life and although we lived in the same home, I longed to know you; I am so thankful for who you are now and who you are to my children and I love making the new memories and moving past the old pain, learning to be loved by you is making all the difference on this Mother's Day." 

They don't make them that raw and that real, but that my dear friends, is why they sell blank cards with beautiful pictures on them. 

For the HOPE that we can fill it up with, not the unrealistic kind of hope but the one that comes from the giver of Life and can ACTUALLY set you free to love, free to believe and free to forgive. Yes, I said forgive, because my story didn't stop when my mother's life met the One true Lover, my story only begins there. The transformation couldn't even start until I completely and forever agreed to forgive her, EVEN IF she NEVER changed and never wanted to love me the way I thought I needed it. My forgiveness unlocked the door that let her in to a place to receive a Savior. 

I hope you know that Hallmark or American Greetings doesn't have as large of an audience as they want you to believe when it comes to what truth is being written between those pages. They simply sell what people want their mom's or childhoods to look like. The only real problem with that is when we forget why we need Jesus, we never really look for a solution to our biggest problems: our pain in our past. We all have some, and without admitting it to someone safe, we will never ask Jesus, the only carpenter qualified, to repair what some other human broke within our lives. 

I hope you can honor your mom, as I honor mine. Even when they seem they don't deserve it, you never know when treated them as Jesus would might just Save their Life and change yours for eternity. 

God Bless You.

mother's day blah's

Mother's Day is a strange day for me. I love LOVE love Love LOve LoVE being a mommy! I so enjoy watching my children come home from school or pre-k with a cutie present made from finger paint or crazy scissor work or their own hand writing! I enjoy the moments I am blessed to spend with them all, regardless of their ages or moments of fits.

BUT... (cuz you knew there would be one) I tend to feel over worked and under appreciated during this insane day of the year. Not because anyone is lacking... and not because my kids don't love me. It's deeper than that.

I remember crying at school in Kindergarten in the "family center" ~ called that when I went to KG it is now called the Home Making Center!! Why? You ask, well, it was simple I didn't WANT to be the mommy or rock the baby or feed to family with pretend food. I WANTED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN THE PRETEND CENTER...DRESS UP LIKE BATMAN AND SAVE PEOPLE. Yep, I was that crazy girl the kids made fun of for wanting to be a "boy" when I grew up. The other kids apparently didn't watch "Gem" or "Wonder Woman" or "She-Ra" with me on Saturday mornings. But, I digress!

The story goes on and of course I have the most beautiful children in the world. No, really, I do! And I received a lot of praise from my grandmother before she passed on about how well I was doing. My own mother has come to terms with my style of mothering and has also bombarded me with compliments in the last several years on how "well" she thinks I accomplish this task. I am not honking a horn here, but merely saying that other people seem to agree that I can keep children from tearing down my home, each other and convince them to eat veggies.  This makes a good mom I know. But Wonder Woman MUST have made a fantastic mom too! No?  I personally think that she HAD to be a mom to even know how to juggle two lives!!

So, why don't I like this day?

The deep oh so inner thoughts would be: because it's not a lifestyle. I long to be honored and respected and given extra hugs, because someone WANTS TO... not because they are obligated. Example: 1) The random day of the year when my husband says, "Honey, you are the best mom in the Universe, go sit down." 2) Any one of the kids have drawn a picture or colored artwork and asks me to have it, "because you are so special mommy!"

LET'S BE HONEST...(close your eyes if you can't handle this part)
The other part of me finds that I am more anxious about this day than any other. Reasons: a) too many Mother's Day's have passed when nothing was extra ordinary, or the occasion was over looked all together. b) when something terrific did happen, I was unprepared, my reaction wasn't what anyone expected...leaving a disappointed audience. c) I have to worry about the step-mother issue with my son, the fact that I am a step-mom who doesn't get to even SEE those children on this day let alone be honored by them, and the OH-SO stressful act of purchasing gifts for the other Mother's in our lives.

There it is then... the nitty gritty truth. In all it's unholy glory and dusted off reality. ~ My family is awesome and I love them. So, why can't we choose to either find a tradition that honors the day and let it be the same each year...or leave it in the holiday trash pile with Father's Day and Halloween. I would have much less stress in my life & feel far less unwanted when everyone forgot about the day all together!

And for goodness sake... THANK A MOM TODAY!!

Sense of Community

When you live in a bigger city or even the sprawling outskirts of one, it is hard to capture the essence of teaching children the responsibility of helping others in and around you. Of course, leading my example and using teachable moments really DOES help. 

I tend to get frustrated with the older siblings because they are so disconnected in every way regarding caring for their younger siblings. The oldest two do not live here and visit twice a month. Of course, this is the same schedule that has been happening for just over 6 years....yeah, that hasn't impacted them at all. They love their siblings and love to play with them or even occasionally change a diaper. The reality of their every day life is missing the aspect to help be responsible for someone else in a positive way rather than just telling!  So, it really is a challenge as it is not their lifestyle. They are both however very giving children in other aspects and enjoy buying gifts for the younger siblings.  (The art of Gift giving is a different blog!)

Madisen on the other hand has loved being a big sister from the moment she realized she was getting a little baby. She is a perfect small mommy (most of the time).  Maternal instincts ARE DIFFERENT than community responsibility. That's another blog if you disagree!! We have been able to really teach her about helping take care of ANYONE that needs help. Of course, stranger safety in our house means that unless mommy or daddy says, you can't help or talk to anyone. She dutifully asks for permission to even talk to other small people on the playground! So precious yet so compassionate. 

She can meet you once, and you are good for her ~ she won't remember your name, since she obviously got that trait from both Asa & I. However, she will figure out a way to help you!! She loves Jesus and I know

This is a friends small one who I find utterly contagious~ Madisen offered to walk with her since she kept running away from the place we were suppose to stand!

I always want to allow small people the opportunity to serve one another and really care about others.  This one, we got right!!

Carry Me!

I sat down with a dear friend, who is also a man of God and a trusted pastor and as we normally do we conversed about what God is and isn't doing in our lives at the moment. When people are cut from the same personality type but decades separate their ages they have a choice - to clash like cymbals or learn from one another and have a beautiful friendship. We often tug the conversations back & forth and love listening to what God is speaking to each other. Of course, our spouses get in on the action... but, well, I'll admit it's hard for them to get a word in edge wise. Especially when it's been a while like our recent dinner~! We all have so much to catch up on.

We sat down and the talk turned to what a good Sheppard looks like. What a good pastor does and doesn't do for his sheep and the difference between Jesus' leadership example and how so many pastors think of themselves. As a former paid pastor my friend knows the heart of Jesus as a Sheppard better than many. He brought up the reality of a Sheppard who can see the rebellious young lamb and chose to break it's leg in order to carry it and keep it safe.  Now, this leads me to why I choose this picture!

No legs were broken in the making of this picture! I love being a mom, but so often I understand the need to keep a child close enough to protect them. I have documented my use of those little toddler leashes. OK - I know this throws so many into a tizzy, but sometimes you have to harness that energy. Mind you, I only ever used it for one of my children and for extreme visitor or touristy places. ANYWAY - I digress. I realize that a mom (good moms) can and MUST recognize the needs for us to emulate a good Sheppard, such as the apprentice sheep herder. We do bear so much of the burden of raising our small people and really showing them the grazing pastures. And as much as I support and pray for those moms who are leading without a father for their child....

I simply LOVE it when the Daddy comes in and saves the day by just picking up said small child and escorting them (in style) to the safe location. I too need this protection and safety (from my Heavenly Father).

Let's be honest: I spend most of my day wrapped up in three children (5 when it's the weekend) and although I can tell you the pulse of this home at any moment of any day I often can not tell you what is happening outside our little bubble. This presents a very dangerous problem except that my husband, the Sheppard of this family is responsible and keeps watch over all the goings on in our community, nation and world. At times I have heard women complain about this issue of being stuck in this nucleus. (I may or may not have been one of those women at some point.) The joy of this nucleus really becomes understanding that my role allows me to watch for unrest, disputes, or even hurt lambs from WITHIN the herd; While my husband watches diligently from a distance to survey for EXTERNAL threats to our family. I should state here that this can often include keeping an eye on the extended families needs, the neighborhood and even the local wolf (in sheep's clothing).  Daddy's lead the sheep & mommy's feed the sheep. (A little simplicity never hurt anybody.)

As in the picture above, the Sheppard over the family sometimes keeps a little lamb closer to him than the herd. While it will be safer and in less trouble this way! The mother Sheppard does this sometimes too... but as a mom we have to know when it's our job to keep the lamb close - or let the lamb leave the herd to hear the heartbeat of their Father. 

I hope I can keep this herd together without them trampling each other and I pray that I listen when my children whisper the heart of THE Father back to me as I feed them. But I hope that if you are a husband, father, mother or wife - you can see the divine ability we all have to work together and sense the simple life of a sheep herder or Sheppard.

Bubbles of thought in the park!

One of my most fun memories of childhood was my mothers homemade bubbles! As a mother, I think bubbles can add hours of fun to any thing... when THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF COURSE!!! But I often allow my children to play with bubbles while I wait at a safe distance from the soapy saturation. 

I have always told my relatives that children are small people, not some different species of human. Not meant to be kept in a cage (room), or forced to play outside, or even forced to live in a world differently than a person with opinions. (The parenting discipline is a different blog, but children LIKE big people need boundaries.) I think that I grew up in a culture, all be it one of respect, that discredits the adventure of childhood by saying it's some sort of syndrome you should grow out of. You should become respectable and clean. Which brings me to my conclusion as a teen and a new Aunt (since I was 12), that children were just small people! They too needed to be treated with SOME level of expectation to be who THEY need to be. I instantly formed an opinion that has helped to shape my adulthood and how I respond to the most precious people on the planet... kids! Follow my crumbs on this rabbit trail to my current subject; where I was standing in a park waiting for guests to arrive at a party, sweating and watching these cute small peeps TRY to blow bubbles. WHAT WAS I DOING?  I was already sweating, already dirty, and in a park ~ far away from my carpet! 

AND SOAPY FUN WAS HAD BY ALL MY PEEPS! Chasing bubbles just happens naturally in this world, as it does for anyone who stops long enough to admire the beauty in a shimmering see-through round floating miracle of our own breath. 


Find a spot with a slight breeze, drop a $1 and blow some bubbles with your adult friends this weekend. It's our job to remember what real simple fun should be!!! 

Bubbles to you in peace.

Tomatoes Go Splat -Onions Peel

I love those old movies when people actually threw tomatoes at actors who were terrible!! Wish I could do that sometimes to comedians who use too much foul language. One or two words, is too much - but I understand the comedic effect of something in context it's just that constant slamming of words that by themselves in sentences don't mean anything.OK that's my obsession with throwing tomatoes.

But the fun part of tomatoes is that eventually they all squish nicely.  I really don't like any kind of tomato, but there really are a tone of varieties. I think this is my fascination with tomatoes in general; no matter what the tomato ultimately looks like, smells like or how big it is, the inside is full of squishy... goodness? The most conventional way to consume a tomato... raw & fresh. (Canned tomatoes work for my Northern friends when they are longing for sun.)

The same is true of onions, no matter what species or size, they are all categorized and all have layers of flavor. Some onions make us cry more than others, some can be sliced without any tears. But the flavor of an onion is best tasted when lightly cooked or grilled. (most of the country would agree with me on this one I think.)   ~ And sometimes, they have started NEW growth, from the inside out!!


So, what does any of that have to do with the humorous or interesting things in life?  Well, EVERYTHING!!!

• I can choose to walk out this life like a fragile tomato, and only be firm on the outside while the inside of me continues to deteriorate and eventually everyone around me with be covered with my mess when I explode. For a period in time those messy friends my hang out with me, but at some point I will need to grow a new batch.
• I can choose to walk in my life like a yellow onions; with a thin skin protecting my friends but the minute someone hurts me or dare to peel back my facade... I will inevitably make people cry, and in time the only people who surround me with only talk superficially and make sure that they pat my back with ease. No real friends are found.
• I can be honest - transparent and realize that I am more like an onion than I want to be... then choose to be an onion who stays chilled and like the vadalia onion which creates hardly any tears if any and is ALWAYS Sweet. These people realize that life is more fun to peel back the layers of our real personality (flavor) with our relationships... but it is tempered by the reality, that as in all life, sometimes the layer must submit to death to find New Life and learn how to be transformed by the Giver of Life (Jesus Christ) and only in Him do we learn how to be sweet and savory with each bite.

Here's hoping you smile, peel and rid yourself of the squishy today!!! :)  

Innocent laughter or heavenly secrets?

The picture I posted speaks a thousand words in the context of the title of this post. In this moment the picture was taken this little boy was the most fun-loving little man with a grin from ear to ear. He had a day with mommy & daddy and new friends with a grandma & grandpa he doesn't see often enough. At first glance you just know that he is "tickled pink" by something. Within each child holds the mystery questions behind those eyes of a child that can't yet talk about what they're thinking.

In the face of a newborn is the face of pure dependence, and simple love. Take care of me and I will love you forever. ~Please~

I know that angels guard over us, and although I believe that they can be powerless when God allows bad things to happen; I know that they whisper God's love to each small child.

In a moment of sweetness a baby can coo or a small toddler can bust into a full laughter with nothing prompting them. I believe there are sweet messages from heaven that tickle their hearts and ears. God is Love, as the Bible declares it, and Jesus was specific about letting the little children come to him while he walked this Earth in ministry. Why would he NOT allow the gurgles of each toddler be sent by angels straight to Heaven and why would He NOT simply tell the angels to give each child loving messages of silly clouds, God's creative masterpiece of this world and even give them secrets to unlock the hearts of their parents??

I know some will say I am crazy . . . but those are the people who don't have a little one in their lives who cuddles up soft and sleeps with ease.  Or maybe those people let too much impurity separate their memories of what it was like to be SMALL.

Real/Serving Real/Fest 2010

ASSESSMENT OF THE SITUATION:
My body and mind are exhausted from months of preparation and a week full of hustle and bustle to pull together an event to really reach a community. After such a long preparation we tend to want a certain level of success to feel as though our contribution to this community was significant. God's plan is not to always allow us to physically SEE the impact we have on people and places. In 2 Corinthians 5:7 "we walk by faith, not by sight" should be our guide to remember not to let our EYES get in the way of what God is asking us to believe by Faith.

For an event like what we were a part of this past weekend many people can look at the events similar in the past and count success in: the number of tickets sold, items sold at the event, artist contributions to revenue and even in a head count of people. This event was not like the other events in so many ways, but Man's Success was not a tool we were using to measure this weekend's accomplishments. Instead, there were NO tickets sold to this completely FREE event, there were no restrictions on coming & going, so people freely left & returned, the event was not asking bands or artists to contribute anything and other people (not affiliated with event) tried to distract funds in the parking area. Ultimately, this FREE event could not be measured in the same standards as those events of the past. This wasn't about meeting a financial goal but about meeting practical needs of people within the community and bring awareness to some of those needs.

MEASURING TOOLS:
2 Corinthians 2:17 "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."
Titus 3:14 "Our people should learn to spend their time doing something useful and worthwhile."
Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Jesus' responses to Peter as Jesus asked, Do you love me? When Peter said yes, then Jesus declared; "Feed my Lambs", "Take care of my Sheep", "Feed my Sheep".

When you use the Word of God as a meter for success, you find that God grants you the favor to feel that toiling for a good work was not in vain. God's Kingdom living is the kind of life that requires much of us even when we don't get a reward here on earth. As we learn in Matthew 6:19-20 "Don't store up treasures on earth! Moths and rust can destroy them, and thieves can break in and steal them. Instead, store up your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy them, and thieves cannot break in and steal them." We can not gain rewards both here and in Heaven so, the eternal rewards MUST outweigh our mindset to gain something here on Earth. We have to change our thinking to reveal our Faith in the seeds planted, the harvest that was watered and the few people we are able to guide into the Kingdom as the MOST SUCCESSFUL adventure of our lives. We should be working on these things all week, and at events like this three day community outreach we have to understand the BLESSING in seeing all three stages being prayed over at the same time.

TESTIMONIALS & SUCCESSES:

* The family van full of people who could NOT get over the genre's of music all in the same place. This family was by far the funniest family I met this past weekend. The dad (of course) had no idea what "Hard-core" was while the mother pretended to know what "Indie" music meant. The teens in the back were completely excited that in one stop they could get a taste of all the music styles they liked as one teen was definitely more into the hip hop than his sister. Talking to this family and explaining the mission of the event and CONVINCING them that it really was free was a joy! They may not have stayed for the entire event, but that family was moved with compassion at anyone hungry could eat, and laughed a lot at the lack of knowledge of their parents at the kind of music they liked. I know God's voice of Love was heard in that family van when they piled back in.

*By Saturday night I noticed that a sweet looking pregnant lady and her tiny little daughter had not ever really left the grounds. She had walked onto the property earlier that day. By nightfall she did walk for what seemed like as far as the eye could see to what we could only assume was home. Early on Sunday morning as we were trying to kick off our Palm Sunday Worship...I saw her and her little girl walking from down Bloomingdale. My sister and I even noted that she had noticed her too. They had come and seemed to be waiting for the day to start, but really they were waiting for someone to tell them breakfast was served. They ate breakfast in no real hurry but eventually ate breakfast again. What a joyous look that precious little girl had to enjoy herself some pancakes? By afternoon before the storms hit, they both had a plate of chicken and I didn't really take notice until the rain came, that they had then had another plate of free chicken. The things we notice when times are quiet, but I began to ache as I realized that this pregnant mom was indeed finding a need met here in this pole barn, in a regular looking weekend, she found enough food to fill their bellies.

*Parking Lot:
So many stories came from working the crowd of people while they were in their cars. Honestly, it was not the place I expected to be, and Asa really did not feel so excited about serving in the parking "department". (jokingly noted as a department) God made sure that we had a front seat to the needs that were being met and we had a unique opportunity to actually spread the good news of why this "Jesus Village" comes together for events like these. I know that having the understanding about Glen & Linda Clark (www.jesusvillage.net) and how they bring local ministries together with local & regional artists allowed us to speak the truth in a concise manner without "teaching" another volunteer how to explain it. Although, I always ask Linda how she wants us to speak "to" the ministry, just for a refresher!

So, we saw and met the moms who were touched by bringing their kids for a free fun time on the bounce houses; the parents who were reached by feeding their family; the adults who could not get over the blessing of free music was by far the most surprising reaction; and the countless people who just couldn't believe it was really all for free. The point here was that everyone left different than they entered, for the better.

THE TEAM OF VOLUNTEERS:
I have never seen so many people bale out on something they have committed to do or when some people offered donations of equipment but didn't follow through. It was shocking to me, but everyone who was there & everyone who did commit or who donated equipment WAS SUCH A BLESSING!

The team of people that prayed, and worked for months to ensure the success of this event were changed by the event for the better. The family that inspires us all were even more amazing during putting this event together because more things were difficult about this event than any other to date for them. It was stressful by any stretch and I can not even imagine but I have prayed for them throughout this planning and the event process. I can tell you that at every chance 7 of the Clark family members were working long hours on this festival. They each invested many hours of sweat, and some of them invested many days of hard labor. I heard volunteer after volunteer explain how much they were inspired by their compassion and dedication. Few volunteers understand the real sacrifice that this family makes, but God blesses them in ways we could only imagine. Really, their compassion is a RESPONSE to who they KNOW God is and HOW MUCH HE LOVES THEM. They draw their strength in Him.

The other volunteers who showed up each inspired me in a way that only each could. I am really grateful for getting to met each part of the team.

I am forever different because of this festival at this time in my life. I can, and without much pain make a large difference. Offering without sacrifice means nothing.

Friends or Folly?

• 
  
  All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane! (unknown)
• 
  
  Beauty and folly are old companions. ~ Benjamin Franklin
• 
  
  "Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.” Mike Meyers quotes
• 
  
  Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.~ Fr. Jerome Cummings
• 
  
  “The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.” Ronnie Edwards
• 
  
  "Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen." Rainer Maria Rilke
• 
  
  “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” unknown author

What do you think?  Are you crazy for having friends or just crazy with your friends?

Either way, there is a price for friendships that none of us know when we begin. I choose to continue to find comfort in the things I don't know and enjoy the friends that make me laugh and cry. But I must tell you that I am more comforted by friends who look you square in the face and tell you want they think the truth is no matter how ugly, then cry with you and sit with you while you think of a way to move forward. Those are the kind of friends I would like to think Paul and Silas were to each other. (From the New Testament) As Paul and Peter were clearly when Paul interrupted a sermon to lovingly point out the inaccuracy in what Peter had begun teaching. The two (I believe) had a choice....errupt in a fist fight, or remember who they both loved and why they were friends fighting the same cause.

For whatever pain my friend, you may cause to me, be decent enough to stick around and see me through it and you will be the one I learn the most from.

Refreshing Moments

Refreshing moments are not always brought to us by Coke or Pepsi or even Water! (Insert gasps here!) The life of a mom can be over stimulating and full of moments when we want to simply look the other direction and ask someone if these are their kids! Surely, something that I have loved and cherished since they were tiny would not treat me with such embarrassing moments. However, being a mother can bring you to your knees with a melted heart when your children are the instruments of love.

As my readers know, I have 5 children in my life with me now and they each have times when I smile and take in a deep breath while one of them reminds me what brings life to our souls: LOVE. My smallest little boy is currently on his way to his 2nd birthday. He fills the house with the most love and the most noise and sometimes at the same moment! His precious laughter brings joy to my heart each time I hear it. But that is not the refreshing moment that I am talking about.

To be refreshed in a way is to receive fulfillment of a thirst, true? I think that I can safely say that we are all refreshed when we let life slow down on a vacation. We also become refreshed when we stop a busy life and stressed muscles for a massage. In that same way I often need to be refreshed with the truth of kindness. It can seem so many times like being a mother is the ugliest job out there and that no one in the world is really nice to anyone else. In one week I hear the pain of meanness and the bitterness of unfair words and in the midst of it all, I have witnessed the most refreshing act of kindness. As my 2 yr old enters a room of fighting and bickering over who made a mess of the toys and who will pick up which side of the room, the 2 yr old (who was not involved in the playing or the making of the messes) begins to hum and clean. Clean and sing. Smiling as the sweetest blessing to a sibling one could give. Now, in the middle of the room still stand two other children complaining and grumbling, oblivious to the chore at hand being accomplished by an innocent bystander.

This refreshing moment brought to me tears of joy and to witness such an act I swept the 2 yr old up and offered praise and a cookie for being such a great helper. Of course, the offer left two other children in tears and their messy adventure will be a tale for another day, but I know that at the heart of every act of kindness is the heart of a child who knows they are Loved. Love does strange things to us, but it should offer refreshment to others too!

Open My Heart!

As usual when God is ready to teach me something big, I have had a terrible few weeks.  When I mean terrible I do not mean tragic but I mean more like irritating things that are piling up and getting under my skin.  People, stuff - you name it...I am frustrated by everyone's lack of care for the lady who makes things happen in this house...that would be me!  My birthday week hasn't always brought about such irritation, but it did this year when no one seemed grateful for me or thankful of my hard work.

So, I started out to church tonight with my three younger children in the van. A quick stop at my sister's home where we dropped of the youngest (no daycare tonight at church) into my brother-in-laws open arms. Picked up my mom, dad, and sister who rode with me and the other two children, Madisen (almost 5) and Jacob (almost 8).

Though the children were greally good throughout the service they get antsy towards the end.  Madisen wanted to know why we were not going to the front ("up there" she called it). I asked, "Why? Do you want to go up there?"
  "--Yes!! I LOVE JESUS!" She reacted.
Then I realized Andy was saying, "It's never too late, I know there are more here who need to dedicate their lives to Christ..."
So, I bent over and asked, "Is that why you want to go up there? To ask Jesus to open the door in your heart?"  (This was the explanation of open doors earlier- opening up to Jesus's love.)
   "Uh Huh" she noded, "I need Jesus!"
"So, you want to go up? Do you want mommy to go too?"
   "Oh yes please" she said politely as she gently slide her hand in mine and we began a walk that would change everything.
---at the alter----
She was restless and excited about the entire adventure happening at the alter.
She was smiling from ear to ear standing on a step waiting for her turn to tell Pastor Andy what she "needed."

Although embarrassing she had announced with a whisper from the back of the small church rows that her butt hurt and she couldn't sit down. After this declaration and 4 more louder than the first statement, many thought this trip to the alter was for healing!

When Pastor Andy walked to my princess, she stood up tall and smild wide. I (mom) gave a brief explanation and turned his attention to her. As his compassionate heart took over, he compelled her to explain it all to him. She was shy and quiet at first.
He held her hands with the oil still all over them and explained the oil he would dab on her forehead, palms, and top of her right foot. (This was also described in the sermon tonight.) Then gently told her to repeat after him. The soft sweet prayer went like this:
   "I believe   in Jesus   that He died for me   and can open   the door to my heart    and fill it with His spirit."

Then he had her turn to me and say, "Mom, I'm born again!"  She barely made out the words as she was so focused on being a big girl and takng my hands as an adult would to a child.

It was sweet like fresh honey from the comb and warmed my heart with joy! She lives with such passion and smiled bigger than any other day in her sweet 4 plus years.

Now, if I could just bottle the night, and remember REDEMPTION when I get so fed up with other people -

OK, maybe God's using a tiny person to help me out....
maybe?

Maybe even help me open my heart to some compassion ....???  hmmm.  Maybe!

Peace, Love, Hope and Joy!